Monday, May 25, 2009



The Kabbalah has a lot to say about beards. There is much, much more where this came from  but the following should be enough to convince you that the terrorists are hopelessly out-classed in the beard department. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

Ahem [Clears throat]:


209. RABBI SCHIMEON began, and said: Woe unto him who extendeth his hand unto that most glorious supernal beard of the Holy Ancient One, the concealed of all.

210. This is the praise of that beard; the beard which is concealed and most precious in all its dispositions; the beard which neither the superiors nor the inferiors have known; the beard which is the praise of all praise; the beard to which neither man, nor prophet, nor saint hath approached so as to behold it.

211. The beard, whose hairs hang down even unto the breast, white as snow; the adornment of adornments, the concealment of concealments, the truth of all truths.

212. It is said in the “Book of Concealed Mystery”: That beard, the truth of all (truths), proceedeth from the place of the ears, and descendeth around the mouth of the Holy One; arid descendeth and ascendeth, covering (the cheeks which it calleth) the places of copious fragrance; (it is) white with ornament: and it descendeth in the equilibrium (of balanced power), and furnisheth a covering even unto the midst of the breast.

213. That is the beard of adornment, true and perfect, from the which flow down thirteen fountains, scattering the most precious balm of splendour.

214. This is disposed in thirteen forms.

215. In the first disposition are classed the hairs from above, and it commenceth from that portion of the hair of His head which is above His ears; and descendeth in one tress before the apertures of the ears in the most perfect equilibrium, even unto the corner of the mouth.

216. In the second disposition are classed the hairs from the comer of the mouth, and they ascend even unto the other corner of the mouth in perfectly equated order.

217. The third disposition is from midway between the nostrils; beneath those two apertures there goeth forth a certain path, and the hair is wanting in that path; but on either side of and bordering that path it is fuller and in perfect order.

218. The hairs which are classed under the fourth disposition descend below the mouth from the one corner even unto the other comer, in perfect order.

219. The fifth disposition. Beneath the mouth proceedeth another path, from the region of the superior path, and those two paths are impressed on His mouth on this side and on that.

220. The hairs which are classed in the sixth disposition ascend and come from beneath upwards unto the corner of the mouth, and cover the places of copious fragrance, even unto the upper corner of the mouth, and the hair descendeth at the corner of the opening, and across below the mouth.

221. In the seventh disposition the hair terminateth, and there are seen two apples in the places of copious fragrance, beautiful and joyful in aspect, because (in that aspect) is the universe maintained. And this is that which is said, Prov. xvi. 16: “In the light of the king’s countenance is life.”

222. In the eighth disposition a certain tress of hair proceedeth round about the beard, and (the hairs) hang down equilibrated even unto the chest.

223. In the ninth disposition the hairs of the beard are interwoven and mingled with those hairs which hang in equilibrium; which hang even thus, so that none is preeminent over another.

224. In the tenth disposition the hairs descend beneath the beard, and cover the throat beneath the beard.

225. The eleventh disposition is, that no hairs are preeminent over other hairs, and they are restored into perfect proportion.

226. The twelfth disposition is that the hairs do not hang over the mouth, and that the mouth is uncovered in every part, and that the hair surrounding it is beautiful.

227. The thirteenth disposition is that the hairs hang down on this side and on that beneath the beard, furnishing a covering in beautiful adornment, even unto the chest.

228. Nothing is seen of the whole countenance and of the places of fragrance, except those beautiful white apples which produce the life of the universe; and they radiate gladness upon Microprosopus.

This stuff is complicated.