Fire Sale

Since at least last summer, a local gunshop/shooting arcade has had this promo sign:

ARMAGEDDON IS COMING! GET YOUR GUNS NOW!

I have no desire to take USA citizens' guns from them, nor would I interfere with their constitutional right to wear camouflage condoms made of depleted uranium Kevlar composites, but I deplore the crass commercialism of this sign. Just as we'd like our retailers to wait until Thanskgiving weekend to release their Xmas miracles and tinselized muzak, I think it's only decent to wait until the slaughter of a perfect red calf in the rebuilt Temple of the Mount (using thrice-cleansed .50 cal and kosher stock fittings) before hyping the End of the World final clearance sale.

I, for example, have a large stock of white robes and digital harps (preprogrammable with up to 35 sacred songs), and intend to cash in when the end-times come. I know you can't take it with you but that suggests a thriving black market for bribery at the Pearly Gates.

Screw those socialist Biblical notions about the last shall be first and humble contrition before Jesus being the only way in. Unregulated principles of free market ideals should let me buy my way into Heaven as easily as we've spent our wads all to Hell down here.

Talk to the Invisible Hand, St. Peter. Under the table.